“None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free”

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Peeing in the sink

This post, adapted from an article I read recently, might seem out of place in this blog. But I assure you, it’s not only relevant but also timely. During these hard times (we are, after all, nearing a major Depression), I’ve been an advocate of the selective flush – i.e. if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down. Recently, however, I had a change of heart. Not only, as my family argued, is it unsightly but, if left unchecked (my boys are the biggest culprits) it can cause lingering odors.

I conceded there had to be a better way.  Alas, if the title of the post didn’t give it away, I pee in the sink.

I’ve been peeing into bathroom sinks for a couple of months now, at least. Convenience is my primary reason. I’ve been drinking so much lately that it’s just easier to whip it out over the sink. But there are a multitude of good reasons to pee in a sink, among them of course, saving money (remember: flushing the toilet uses anywhere between one and a half to three gallons of water each time). Here then, are a few others…

I can multitask, which is important to me. Both my hands are free to brush teeth, comb hair, apply hygiene products, etc. I’ve never done an empirical study, but I know in my gut that countless hours are saved annually by peeing in the sink.
It’s also environmentally conscientious. I conserve water when I pee in the sink. As I wash my hands or rinse my toothbrush, my pee is carried through the p-trap down into the sanitary line.
It’s the “green” thing to do. By peeing on dried toothpaste, solidified spit wads, loose hair, and other lingering muck, I save still more water and reduce phosphates and other nasty chemicals that might otherwise have been wasted to clean the sink.
It’s considerate. Regardless of whether my wife is sleeping, watching television, or reading in silence, I don’t disturb her with a cacophonous serenade of man-peeing-into-toilet-then-flushing.
It’s clean. There is no toilet water splash nor urine splatter around the bowl or in the crannies of the commode. Also, pee is sterile, so there’s no need to use expensive disinfectant.
It builds relationship equity. The seat is always down, which appears to my wife as sublimely considerate and one those “little things” I do for her. The end result? No kidding, this manifests in better sex.
It’s hygienic. After my stream has diminished to a trickle, I splash a handful of water on my penis, thus washing it. My member is always clean, uncannily so, and I put it up against the member of any “traditional” toilet user for any qualitative evaluation; e.g. sniff test or taste test.

I can hardly think of any disadvantages to peeing in a sink. Off the top of my head:

- peeing into a sink after eating asparagus is very unpleasant (though perhaps not more so than peeing in the toilet);
- fishing a contact lens out of the sink while multitasking is disturbing; and,
- reflexive tumescence may result from the splash of overly cold or hot water, which can have messy consequences.
Also, I should confess that casually whipping it out and lettin’ go when and wherever may cause your “Emergency Pee Shut Off”muscle (otherwise known as the sphincter) to atrophy.

Finally, I'm all too aware that this forward-thinking avant garde technique might offend the eyeballs of an accidental witness or the sensibilities of a biddable conservative thinker and unusually conforming doer, so please always exercise discretion. And, as with every other practical, if not outright brilliant idea espoused on this blog, take it, learn it, live it, and pass it along.

Be Opulent

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